i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
