well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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