well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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