I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
