6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
