I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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