It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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