Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
