My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
