You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You did what with his pubic hair?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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