so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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