Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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