I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
