in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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