I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
