I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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