I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
