you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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