you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
