i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
