At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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