fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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