Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
