i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm always down for nudity.
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