i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
