Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
