I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
