I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
