sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
