I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize