dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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