I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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