I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you traded sex for a burrito?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
