If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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