Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
