I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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