I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
