Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
