I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize