i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
