Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
