I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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