this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
