i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
