I think my fart just growled at me.
the day after is always just damage control
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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