I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just tell him i said nine months
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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