If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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