didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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