3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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