You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize