Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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