Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
