Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
