my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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