You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
