Where is the hickey?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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