"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
