Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
