Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
