I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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