can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
