i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize