dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
