Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
