My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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