Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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