reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
