man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize