You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I believe in your delicious
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
