I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
