your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize