grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
