we're blogging at a bar
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
