my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I believe in your delicious
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
