Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
