is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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