you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
