According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
