We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
